Royal Air Force Administrative Apprentice Association Multam A Parvo - Much From Little |
Have You Heard The One About......
There is nothing like a good laugh. Service or Barrack Room Humour is unique
as It is always racy , a bit close to the knuckle and delights in to poking fun at
both the military establishment, the fair sex and of course at servicemen
themselves. All ex- Admin Apprentices will recall those nights after lights out
when the giggling would begin as the jokes kept coming. Over the years
Service humour has evolved into an art form so we we would like to publish
some of your jokes and cartoons bearing in mind all the political correctness
we now have to abide by. If you have a good'un then click here to go to our
submit article page.
Cartoons can be e-mailed to administrator@rafadappassn.org
as It is always racy , a bit close to the knuckle and delights in to poking fun at
both the military establishment, the fair sex and of course at servicemen
themselves. All ex- Admin Apprentices will recall those nights after lights out
when the giggling would begin as the jokes kept coming. Over the years
Service humour has evolved into an art form so we we would like to publish
some of your jokes and cartoons bearing in mind all the political correctness
we now have to abide by. If you have a good'un then click here to go to our
submit article page.
Cartoons can be e-mailed to administrator@rafadappassn.org
|
| Cartoon Sent Courtesy of Ted Huntley - 24th Entry |
| THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES : |
| A man Scotland calls his son in Epsom the day before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Bham and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this'" She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife . "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Christmas and paying their own way." |
| A Christmas Divorce |
| TRUE COUNCIL QUOTES - ALL THE FOLLOWING QUOTES WERE TAKEN FROM ACTUAL LETTERS OF COMPLAINT WRITTEN TO LOCAL COUNCILS I am going to attribute this one to Bob Danes - 33rd Entry (I am sure he will tell me if it was not one of his) - Administrator |
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore It's the dogs mess that I find really hard to swallow I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off I wish to complain that my father has hurt his ankle very badly, then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence I wish to complain that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you pleased do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction |
In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ's He created night for going prawning,sleeping and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good. On theSecond Day, God created water - for surfing, swimming and BBQ's on the beach, and God saw that it was good. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good. On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans, chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good. On the Fifth day God created a Bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good. On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good. On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good ... ... Well . Almost good. He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, To cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good. It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome! IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Joke Pages Last Updated 10th February 2009 |
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [Imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!] Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] And the winner is... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling |
| Boys Will Be Boys! |
Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is Finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say Lesson 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do >nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there Lesson 6 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and ll to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began torealize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Moral of the story: 1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut! This ends the 3-minute management course. |
| Question: If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong? Ouch!! |
| 3 Minute Management Course |
| ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
| And I Thought I Was Thick! |
| ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! |
 |  |